When you first start the divorce process, everyone is so hurt that the game of finger pointing and blaming is at its full speed.
How do you let him/her not hurt you anymore? You know your partner better than anyone else (even if right now, you feel that you don’t know that person anymore).
You know his buttons, and you know your buttons. S/He knows how to hurt you, and you know it too.
So, it is only fair to assume that when you are going to start the divorce process, it will test you in ways you could never have imagined.
How do you not get hurt anymore? You know what s/he will say or what s/he will do. Just imagine yourself in this situation and breathe. Prepare yourself for it.
Train yourself to be the punching bag. You will be amazed that once he hits, you will not get hurt (or not as much). You will have trained yourself to not react and fly over the coo coo’s nest, but rather to stay calm and see what is really going on. S/He is hurt and s/he wants to hurt you.
If you do not react, then everything will start to change. Little by little, s/he will stop getting mad at you. Little by little, you will start to communicate in a healthier way.