Today I was asked a question by a person who is going through a hard time in her
marriage (the details are not important). She wanted to know how I made the decision to divorce.
This is the answer I gave her.
We all have the same story, with different details. At the end of the day, this is what caused me to take action: I found myself looking at my kids and wondering what exactly I was teaching them. I realized, not only was I teaching them that my actions and the actions of my ex-husband were okay, I was also teaching them that it was acceptable to put up with those actions. To just take it. This is what we were teaching them to become and I could not bear that thought. Something had to change.
Of course I was terrified. It took me about a year to come to the conclusion that we had to stop. No matter what was going to be next, we had to stop teaching them this was okay. I am not telling you to leave or get a divorce. I am telling you to look at your children. Put yourself in their shoes. Try to see what they see and feel what they feel. Then ask yourself, with a very honest heart, is this what I
want for them? Is this what I want them to become? (Because they learn from watching their parents.) Once you have your answers, and are truly ready to make changes (whether it be split or stay together and work on things), only then are you ready and only then will your lives start to change.
I wish you the best. This is a very difficult time. In fact, I think this is the most fearful time I have ever had to go through in my life. But if you decide you want it to be different, then you really can make it happen. Not overnight, but it all starts with a commitment. What is yours going to be?