I recall one day, many years before our divorce, we got at each other’s throat and talked divorce in an angry way. It was not serious but just another fight. However, on that day my then-spouse wrote a list of what I would get if we divorced. My heart sank. I knew this was written with anger, but seeing how I was valued was hard. For years, I thought that this is what was going to happen if we ever got divorced.

Many years later, when I decided to divorce, I went to see a lawyer. I wanted to know what the law had to say. And the story was very different from what I believed all those years.

My point is this: In order to know what to do, how to move, we have to know where we are. Only once we know the truth we are walking on, do we know what we need to do. Reality, sometimes is not pretty and frankly very scary, but we have to know where we stand to prepare for the outcome that we can to reach.