Divorce is like a Birth

Funny how divorce is like talking about birth. We usually skip the painful parts and go right into the beautiful baby. I am not sure why. It’s like a secret. (A French comedian has an amazing skit on that) Divorce is the same. I share a lot about the beautiful parts and the results of all the hard work but I realize I don’t always go into the pain. I suppose out of fear. Fear of being vulnerable, fear of being judged, fear of appearing weak, fear of hurting someone I don’t mean to,
fear of being wrong. Or maybe all of those fears. I don’t know. But at the same time I feel it is important to know that it takes a lot to have a beautiful divorce, or any divorce as a matter of fact.
I decided to make it positive, so I committed myself to dealing with whatever comes my way and let the emotions flow freely. Sometimes it is not pretty at all. Sometimes it takes me to the bottom of my shower for 40 minutes, sometimes it hurts for 2 minutes. Those are wounds, old wounds that had to be cleaned up, and the divorce is also a “trigger” to reopen those wounds. Some triggers were
extremely painful but necessary for me to move forward. I learned to let it go through my body.
When the pain comes, I start to analyze it and when I feel that it is too much, I just let it be. I cry and cry and cry. I cry so much that it is like having spasms or cramps (or really like a contraction at the core area). It gets deeper and deeper and deeper into the pain and cleans it out. Tears to clean the wound. And then, I can feel the pain in my body, like a ball. It is usually in the area of the heart. After
the cleaning is done (who knows how long it will take), the pain moves from the heart and goes through my chest, then through my throat, and then I yawn so hard that it feels like the jaw is going to pop, and it comes out. At this point light comes all around me and I feel so much lighter. I don’t know what it is and don’t think I can remember even if I wanted to.
And then something amazing happens, a flow of gratitude fills my heart and it is so much that it could burst with joy and happiness. But dang, this process freaking sometimes hurts!!! Perk: I get great abs!
I am not sure if sharing the hurt really helps. Feedback welcomed.